Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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