I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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