hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
