I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
