Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
