If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
