He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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