He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The adults are the big ones right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
