its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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