my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
