I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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