My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is the high leading the old right now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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