In the future we'll all be gay
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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