Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
