She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
this just has baby written all over it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
