listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
