I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
