fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
