Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
