K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
