I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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