i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
