i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think a kid would responsible me up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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