They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
