I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I believe in your delicious
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
