Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize