we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
