Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
