If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize