i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
