Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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