Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
