dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
