Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
