Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I stole a fireplace last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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