A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
