I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
