I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
