How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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