Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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