you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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