haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
