You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize