ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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