last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
