I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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