hotel room ftw
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
