Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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