YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
