I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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