Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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