the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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