weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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