Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
