it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
