I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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