im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
