just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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