We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
