Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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