My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
