yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
