Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Barsexuality is the new black.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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