glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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