I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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