Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
