I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
