Don't make out with my wife yet
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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