I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
