loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
