so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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