I wish I could teleport
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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