Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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