I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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