I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
