fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Pooping to opera.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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