I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
