standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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